{"id":41,"date":"2018-03-12T00:59:19","date_gmt":"2018-03-12T00:59:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/sample-lesson-plans\/delete-unnecessary-words\/"},"modified":"2018-04-11T18:56:59","modified_gmt":"2018-04-11T18:56:59","slug":"delete-unnecessary-words","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/?page_id=41","title":{"rendered":"Delete unnecessary words"},"content":{"rendered":"

This may be the single most powerful way to improve a sentence. Many writers clog their work with words that don\u2019t add to the meaning of the sentence\u2014and that\u2019s true of published freelancers, not just college freshmen. I appreciate a dense, descriptive style (Faulkner, Lawrence, Pynchon), but there\u2019s a difference between rich prose and a forest of dead wood. Writing clean, lean prose will serve most students better than straining for flowery eloquence or impenetrable academic complexity.<\/p>\n

Introduce the topic<\/em><\/h2>\n

Project this on the screen:<\/p>\n

Compare these two passages<\/strong><\/p>\n

A:<\/p>\n

In the famous Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen\u2019s drama, A Doll House<\/em>, the perfect, ideal world of the protagonist, Nora, turns out to be a terrible, false paradise, a dollhouse, which eventually is exposed for what it is at the dramatic climax, when the terrifying threat of unbearable social disgrace pressures Nora\u2019s dominating husband to show his true, unloving, selfish colors.<\/p>\n

B:<\/p>\n

In Ibsen\u2019s A Doll House, <\/em>the perfect world of the protagonist, Nora, turns out to be a false paradise. At the climax, the threat of disgrace forces Nora\u2019s husband to show his true colors. Under pressure, he behaves selfishly, without love.<\/p>\n

Ask the class: Which version do you prefer, A or B? Why?<\/p>\n

Discuss<\/em><\/h2>\n

Passage A was adapted from a student essay; passage B is an edited version of the original.<\/p>\n

Point out that \u201cA\u201d is one long sentence. It has complexity and momentum, but it feels clumsy because the words have been piled on so thickly. In \u201cB,\u201d the same meaning is expressed more quickly and clearly.<\/p>\n

This doesn\u2019t mean you should never write long, complex sentences or include details that add to a reader\u2019s understanding. There is a place for dense language \u2014 and long, complex sentences have their own appeal \u2014 but in general, if you\u2019re trying to communicate information or ideas, you\u2019ll do it more effectively if you strip away the words that aren\u2019t needed.<\/p>\n

Most of us use unnecessary words in our first drafts; but careful writers delete them when revising.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The lesson<\/em><\/h2>\n

Writing concisely means expressing your meaning clearly and directly, in as few words as possible.<\/p>\n

Why omit unnecessary words? Because extra words slow the reader down, and make it harder to see what you\u2019re trying to say.<\/p>\n

What kinds of words and phrases are unnecessary?<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Repetitive words\n
      \n
    • Three of the following words mean the same thing:\n
        \n
      • Driving a Formula One car demands absolute, complete, total concentration.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
      • \u00a0Just one of them will do the job:\n
          \n
        • Driving a Formula One car demands total concentration.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
            \n
          • Words that don\u2019t add meaning\n
              \n
            • There\u2019s no need for the word \u201cown\u201d in this sentence:\n
                \n
              • He wrote his own autobiography.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
              • \u00a0Who else\u2019s autobiography could he write?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
                  \n
                • Words that clog up the sentence\n
                    \n
                  • First drafts often include words like basically, essentially, <\/em>and Most sentences will be stronger if you delete them.\n
                      \n
                    • Basically, he was a very strong leader.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                    • Delete basically <\/em>and very, <\/em>and you have a better sentence.\n
                        \n
                      • He was a strong leader.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
                          \n
                        • Dull introductory phrases\n
                            \n
                          • Examples:\n
                              \n
                            • It has often been observed that\u2026<\/em><\/li>\n
                            • Everyone knows that\u2026<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
                            • Try starting the sentence without these phrases.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                              \u2022<\/p>\n

                              Here are some wordy phrases you can usually replace:<\/p>\n

                              Project this:<\/p>\n

                              These Wordy Phrases\u2026<\/u>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2026can be replaced with these concise phrases<\/u><\/p>\n

                              at the present time\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 now; currently<\/p>\n

                              at this point in time\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 now; currently<\/p>\n

                              because of the fact that\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 because<\/p>\n

                              due to the fact that\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 because<\/p>\n

                              in spite of the fact that\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 although<\/p>\n

                              in the event that\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 if<\/p>\n

                              in light of the fact that\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 because<\/p>\n

                              Practice<\/em><\/h2>\n

                              If you prefer, you can have the class work on the first sample sentence together, by asking volunteers for suggestions. Then students can work in pairs to improve sample sentences; finally, they should try it individually. I\u2019m only offering a few examples here, but you can create your own wordy sentences using the categories I\u2019ve defined above.<\/p>\n

                              Project this:<\/p>\n

                              Find the unnecessary word (or words) in this sentence<\/strong><\/p>\n

                              Then rewrite the sentence using fewer words.<\/p>\n

                              To be sure, Ann Bradstreet was a great American writer, and she was an admirable person, more or less.<\/em><\/p>\n

                               <\/p>\n

                              Here are a few more sample sentences for your students to work on:<\/p>\n

                              When you see a strong, brawny, muscular guy reach for sparkly, twinkly, glittering stars in the sky, you can bet that he\u2019s got long arms.<\/em><\/p>\n

                              The raven kept saying the same word over and over, again and again, repeatedly. <\/em><\/p>\n

                              Needless to say, dogs with rabies behave oddly.<\/em><\/p>\n

                               <\/p>\n

                              When students are working in pairs and individually, they should post their revised sentences on Padlet for others to see. They can put their initials on their work, or create a preposterous nickname if they prefer anonymity.<\/p>\n

                              I tell them to look at what others have done.<\/p>\n

                              Then we discuss: which revisions seem to be the most effective? (Few of my students are willing to judge. Usually, I have to point out what seem to me the best revisions.)<\/p>\n

                              If no one has come close, I write a revision of my own and post it.<\/p>\n

                              Homework<\/em><\/h2>\n

                              Assign a few sentences to edit, asking students to trim away the unnecessary words. Examples:<\/p>\n

                                \n
                              1. The Egyptian pyramids were built an extremely long time ago, around 2700 B.C.- 2200 B.C.<\/li>\n
                              2. Advertisements in magazines tend to attract the reader\u2019s attention with strong designs that are very bold and vivid colors that are really bright.<\/li>\n
                              3. True friends are very important to have in a time of serious crisis.<\/li>\n
                              4. It is known that the duration of the common cold can be shortened by giving the person with the cold doses of zinc gluconate in the form of lozenges.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                                 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                                This may be the single most powerful way to improve a sentence. Many writers clog their work with words that don\u2019t add to the meaning of the sentence\u2014and that\u2019s true of published freelancers, not just college freshmen. I appreciate a dense, descriptive style (Faulkner, Lawrence, Pynchon), but there\u2019s a difference between rich prose and a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":25,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":{"0":"post-41","1":"page","2":"type-page","3":"status-publish","5":"entry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":250,"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/41\/revisions\/250"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/25"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/collegewritingclinic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}